The Diary of Arthur Pendragon
by You'rethevoice
Summary: Merlin thinks that Arthur should keep a diary to help him collect his thoughts and vent his anger, since he usually bears the brunt of it. Here are Arthur's attempts...
1. Chapter 1

The Diary of Arthur Pendragon

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

_2__nd__ January_

Dear diary,

My name is Arthur Pendragon, and I am King of Camelot.

I don't really know what to write in one of these, It seems my manservant, Merlin was wrong (as usual). He thought I should keep a diary as a way of collecting my thoughts together and venting my anger. I can think of better ways of doing that.

_3__rd__ January_

Dear Diary,

Today the knights and I trained hard; I think they're getting rather good,

I can't do this; it's a waste of time.

_7__th__ January_

Dear Diary,

Today I lost my temper during training and knocked Merlin out.

I'm not sure if he knows but it's a month since Gwen left, and I just felt alone, and somewhat foolish. I mean I'm not still upset about her. At all. And I'm not making excuses for knocking him out; it was his own fault.

Anyway, Merlin is fine now but I thought I'd give this diary another go, because as Merlin quite rightly pointed out, he usually takes the brunt of my anger.

_8__th__ January_

Dear Diary,

I will be forced to wear my (hideous) crown more often for a while now since my idiot of a manservant promised me that he would be able to cut my hair for me "Easy peasily" this morning and I now look like, how did he put it? Oh yes a "Turnip head."

It's alright though, if I have to look like a moron, I'll make sure that he looks worse.

In fact, I think I still have his feathery hat somewhere... Merlin was right, this diary thing is fun.

I have to go now; I need to find his hat...

_9__th__ January_

Dear Diary,

I have a Feast to attend tonight...great.

I am expected to write a speech but fingers crossed Merlin will have written it for me again. I can't ask him, obviously- I can't let him think he is better at anything than me, but if he offers...

I hate feasts, you'd think, as the King of Camelot I'd be able to do as I pleased?

Oh I think Merlin's coming with breakfast. Good; I'm Hungry.

_10 minutes later..._

I have the worst manservant in the world.

After tripping over and knocking my breakfast _flying, _the imbecile then proceeded to pull down my curtains, including the curtain pole and tie himself into a knot with them.

I helped him out, eventually.

Also, he didn't write my speech. He is, in every sense of the word, a clotpole.

**A/N Thank you for reading, If I carry it on I'll make the diary entries a bit longer I think, but I had to start it off shorter xD I realise that the King may not have time to write in a diary every day but oh well, I'll just pretend :D I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know if you liked it or if there are any improvements to be made :) Thanks :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the alerts, favourites and reviews, it makes my day :D **

_10__th__ January_

Dear Diary,

The feast wasn't as terrible as I anticipated, the entertainment was almost entertaining!

Also Merlin made an idiot out of himself, which I always enjoy. The food was good, there was plenty of mead and the speeches didn't drag on for too long, I suspect Lord Godwyn finds them as tedious as I.

I'm going on a hunt now. That will please Merlin.

_That evening..._

The hunt didn't go too well this afternoon, must have been off our game.

I blame Merlin. He was sulking all afternoon, and then he wandered off! I really don't know why I keep him. He is a useless servant. Well- I mean, he has always been there (annoying me) when I needed him, and occasionally he even seems wise. I will never understand that.

But, yes, Merlin understands me better than anyone else I know. And he is loyal. He can be good company too sometimes...and listens to me. He also stands in as an excellent target when I'm training!

But he really is the most truly appalling servant, I mean, what other King has hair that looks like it was cut by a child, scuffed up boots, dented armour and can never count on regular meals?

Anyway, whilst Merlin was sulking, the Knights and I (okay mostly Gwaine and I) decided to play a prank on him. (This may have been the main reason for our unsuccessful hunt)

Percival, Elyan Lancelot, Leon and I hid down a small valley that ran parallel to the path. (I hate to think what my Father would do if he heard of a King behaving in such a way)

Gwaine then smeared some dirt on his clothes and ran up to where Merlin was sulking (Turns out he was skipping stones by a river or something)

Almost hysterical, Gwaine shouted that we'd been attacked and for Merlin to come quickly.

When he got to the pathway we all jumped out on him. Well, you should have seen his face! I think he nearly cried!

I know it's not how a King should behave, God Merlin reminded me of that! Several times. But it life gets so _dull_ here in the castle; making speeches and attending feasts are the least of my worries. There is so much _mundane _paper work to do! I miss being a Prince and going out on patrols every week, and messing around with the Knights. I needed a break; even if it was at Merlin's expense.

Anyhow, I think the Knights felt bad because they offered to take Merlin for a drink at the Tavern tonight. They invited me too but I can't go; too many people would recognise me and it wouldn't be as fun for them.

Not to mention the stacks of papers I have to read through, if I'm honest, I don't know (or care) what half of them are even about.

Speaking of these papers, I should go.

_10 Minutes later..._

Kill. Me. Now.

_10 Minutes later..._

Right I'm off to the tavern.

**A/N: Thanks for reading :) I'm not sure if I should carry on with long diary entries or short ones... any ideas? Please review and let me know what you think :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thank you for the reviews, I am going to take your advice and do some short and some long diary entries (thanks meljoy) , also I'll do some (loosely) based around episodes (thank you Dirl15) :D As ever, reviews make me **_**veeery**_** happy so thanks again :D And for alerts/favourites. I hope you enjoy :)**

_11__th__ January_

Dear Diary,

I hate Gwaine.

I am officially un-knighting him.

Then banishing him.

My head feels like it has Merlin trampling around inside it, knocking things over and making noise...lots of noise.

In actual fact, he is trampling around my chambers, knocking things over and making lots of noise...and I _may have_ had too much mead last night.

I say "may have" because I can't remember quite a lot of the evening, which, admittedly, suggests I did.

However it is _entirely_ Gwaine's fault and, although he suggested otherwise, I do not have trouble taking responsibility for my mistakes. This wasn't one of them. I was tricked.

Eugh... Merlin has my breakfast. I don't think I could eat anything now...let alone something that Merlin has made.

_20 minutes later..._

Gaius sent me a herbal remedy that tasted like dirty water and socks. But it seems to be doing the trick.

My head is hurting less and I am able to contemplate actually getting out of bed now. And finding Gwaine. And murdering him.

Last night, I needed a break so I thought I'd go for a tankard or two. I wore a cloak so as not to be recognised by too many people. I found the Knights and Merlin and we got a table in the corner.

But Gwaine- well, he likes a drink. Once his money ran out, he devised a grand plan to get more mead (since I refused to buy him another drink as he was already singing)

He grabbed my cloak and "unveiled" me to the entire tavern: we were all nearly trampled by people offering to buy us drinks.

I tried to decline, but Lancelot pointed out that it came across as rude; so I felt duty bound to drink!

Well after about five minutes Merlin was under the table (we all know he can't hold his drink), Lancelot and Elyan were wagering on the arm wrestling matches that Pervical was winning, Gwaine was at the bar _surrounded_ by women and I was trapped in the corner, drinks being thrust in my face.

I don't remember much after that. I have vague recollections of Percival throwing a man over the bar and Gwaine, well, finding a quiet corner with a young maiden from the lower town.

But that is all. I dread to think what kind of state I was in by the time we left, and at the rate gossip travels around here, the whole kingdom will know more about last night's events than me soon.

_That evening..._

The whole castle is laughing at me.

Honestly, I was under the impression I was in charge here but obviously I'm just the local laughing stock.

It's as though everyone knows something I don't. The Knights keep sharing "looks" and Merlin is no better.

In fact Merlin is a whole lot worse. He couldn't even look at me without snickering today! I made him clean the whole army's boots though...that should teach him who's King.

Actually I think he's still doing it now.

Maybe I should go and relieve him.

Hmmmm

I will.

_10 minutes later _

I danced like a girl. And a chicken.

I made Merlin tell me why the whole castle seemed to find me so amusing today. That is the reason. Apparently mead does funny things to me.

_A chicken?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

**A/N Thank you for the reviews/alerts/favourites :D Sorry it's been a while since I uploaded, I've been slaving away at my Geography coursework :'( I hope you enjoy :D**

_18__th__ January_

Dear Diary,

I've had a busy week doing _painfully_ boring Kingly type duties.

The Knights went on a tour of the outlying villages, partly to gage the mood of the people and partly to stop me from strangling Gwaine, so I've been left here with only Merlin to keep me company.

Call me crazy, but I'm starting to enjoy having him around.

The first few days I wanted to claw my ears off; he _doesn't_ stop talking.

But after that, I just sort of got used to it, and I think, were he to leave, I'd miss his inane prattle.

_Obviously_ I don't tell him that, but he does brighten up the castle up a bit.

For example, when I'm in meetings with my advisors they drone on for _hours_ about matters of little importance, in slow, monotonous voices, Merlin will stand behind them and pull the most _ridiculous_ faces behind their backs.

It's difficult to remain composed, but at least it gives me something to concentrate on other than whatever they're talking about.

Speaking of being bored out of my mind, I have to go and meet with yet more advisors. Fun.

_That evening..._

Merlin and I have, un-officially, invented a game.

Each player's aim is to make the other player laugh, whilst not laughing himself.

Well, we haven't discussed it but by some, un-spoken agreement, both Merlin and I have been striving to make the other look ridiculous.

It started with Merlin pulling faces behind my advisors' backs, but I have been doing everything I can to retaliate, making comments like:

"Merlin! It is rude to stare! I'm very sorry Geoffrey, you're a handsome man and I think he gets excited sometimes."

As Geoffrey leaned over to point to something on a map.

And

" Merlin when you've finished picking your nose would it be too much to ask for you to get our guests a drink?"

Merlin then started to be as clumsy as humanly possible (even more so than normal) and spilt wine over _every_ one of my advisors. I nearly cracked then, I have to admit.

I am going to go to bed now, more meetings in the morning and I need to create a game plan.

_19__th__ January_

Dear Diary,

I shant be playing this game anymore. Merlin took it a step too far.

No, actually, Merlin took it about a hundred steps too far.

Today, whilst looking at a map, something incredibly embarrassing happened. I'm struggling to write it down now because re living the memory is too painful.

My trousers fell down.

Straight down. All the way.

And I suspect foul play. They have _never_ shown even the slightest inclination that they intend to fall down before and yet today...straight down.

I think- no I _know_ that Merlin has tampered with them...or my belts...or both!

You may think I'm being a little paranoid. I'll explain what happened next.

Merlin rushed over and _tackled _me... to the ground.

He then proceeded to jump on top of me and 'help me'.

Too far. I love a joke, but _that_ was beyond inappropriate.

**A/N Although I've nicked the trousers thing from the episodes, It isn't completely accurate, (the Knights being away, Gwen being gone etc) I haven't really picked a time for this story, just somewhere in Season 4 ish but the events/dates probably won't match up :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favourites :D And I'm sorry it has been so long since i've uploaded, i've been _ completely_ stuck for ideas D: But hopefully you will enjoy this chappie :)**

_21__st__ January_

Dear Diary,

It is freezing this morning. I'm in bed waiting for Merlin to come and bring my breakfast and light my fire. He is late.

He's very late. Have I ever said that he is the worst manservant ever?

_That afternoon..._

Merlin didn't come this morning. He had better have a good excuse; I fell asleep again and it was nearly midday before I awoke! Meaning I was late for training and I had to skip breakfast, AND lunch.

This afternoon I ran into Gaius though, he had some interesting news for me. It seems that my manservant- _My_ manservant who has been blessed with the honour of serving the _King,_ thought his precious time would be better spent in the tavern.

I feel as though I should be angry, but I think I've just become accustomed to Merlin's ineptitude.

_22__nd__ January_

Dear Diary,

Merlin had better be back this morning with my breakfast, clothes for the day and a good excuse. I am going to overlook his disappearance yesterday; I don't want him sulking today, of all days.

I have invited some very important guests and it is essential that they are impressed by me. I think I might have a bath too- I want to make a good impression. This visit could make or break Camelot's relationship with Mercia.

I think I can hear Merlin coming.

_That evening..._

Today was disastrous. I need to sleep. I will write about it in the morning, providing that I don't die of shame in the night.

_23__rd__ January_

Dear Diary,

How can I ever face Lord Bayard again? How can I face _anyone_ again?

I don't know what is going on with Merlin but, honestly, he is _so_ close to losing his job.

He turned up yesterday, on time for once, with my breakfast and clothes. He seemed quite distracted actually, he barely said a word all morning...If I weren't so angry at him I'd probably be concerned.

Anyway, whilst I was bathing, Merlin muttered something about washing and took a pile of dirty clothes out. He'd gone before I noticed that he'd taken not only my dirty clothes, but _all_ my clothes.

Well... That's not strictly true. He had left behind the clothes he had selected for me to wear to the feast.

Except that he got the wrong clothes. Merlin had brought me Morgana's best dress.

I wasn't too worried at first- more irritated. I thought I'd wait for Merlin to return.

After about an hour, I was left sitting in a freezing cold bath tub; starting to panic.

Eventually I had to get out of the bath, I was frozen!

I tried to make a sort of towel from my curtains but they wouldn't come down! (Typical- Merlin has knocked them down about fifty times!)

I couldn't be late for the feast, I get the feeling that Lord Bayard thought I was spoilt already, and being late for this would only confirm that. So I was running out of options.

I could either wander around the castle stark naked until I found a guard or servant to fetch me some clothes- **not** an appealing idea.

Or- and this is what I decided to do- I could temporarily wear Morgana's dress.

I thought I'd be able to dash into Merlin's chambers (as they're closest)and borrow some of his clothes, and if I found him in there- even better, as I would _murder_ him.

Then I had a better idea.

Just in case I ran into anybody on my way, I thought I'd fashion a sort of wig/hat out of my cushion- then they would just think I was a woman! Admittedly an odd looking woman...

So I set off, head down, cushion covering my face, Morgana's purple silk dress (just about) covering my modesty, bare foot, down the corridor.

_Just_ as I was turning into Merlin's corridor, I ran into the one man I wished to avoid.

Lord Bayard had been visiting Gaius for a remedy for his leg.

He was leaving just as I arrived.

For a second I thought my disguise would hold, as he nodded, politely at me and made to leave.

Then my cushion/wig fell off.

And as I bent down to retrieve it, my dress ripped. Right the way down.

You can guess Lord Bayard's reaction.

He left immediately.

I still haven't found Merlin. If he has any sense...he is hiding.


End file.
